Swammie Mommie

I squirmed impatiently in my seat as I waited for the parenting expert to finish his talk at my children's school. I was eager to go up to the lectern to ask my personal question: How could I get my two older children to stop bickering all the time? His answer surprised me at first, but upon reflection, it fit perfectly into what I had learned through my study of yoga.

He suggested that I pay more attention to my own growth and self- awareness. He suggested that if I was clear and present with each child and each situation, the choices I would make would be the "right" ones. I was initially taken aback by the power of this answer, but tried his advice by re-dedicating myself to the study and practice of yoga, meditation, and other self-awareness techniques as a priority in my life. Not only did this eventually help the situation of the fighting kids, albeit indirectly, it also became the foundation which shaped most of my parenting decisions.

Being a parent is primarily just being in relationship with another human being, an amazing, at times difficult, and yet precious person, who happens to be my child. In order for that relationship to be what I want it to be, I have continued to learn that the most important thing I can choose is to be clear within myself. I need to be clear about who I am, about what my choices and priorities and values are, and then I try to live those choices in compassion and love. This does not mean that occasionally I do not feel angry, disappointed or confused in response to what my children say or do, or by what I say or do as a parent. It does mean that I try to remember that my children and I are at the same time expressions of the Divine and yet totally fallible human beings.

Of course I have spent lots of time listening to my children express their feelings about something. But I have also found that I have never been disappointed when I have shared my own genuine feelings with my children in age appropriate ways, even if those feelings are about my own fears and perceived shortcomings. That sharing has allowed them the chance to see me as I am, as well as model for them the importance of sharing feelings with those we love, the importance of being seen and understood, no matter what our age.

I have found that it is impossible to let my children know too often how much
I love them and how important their welfare and safety is to me. I am absolutely clear that parenting is what I want to do. I know this and they know this. This commitment to parent has helped me through the fatigue of comforting a crying baby with an earache as well as sharing the sadness of a teen-ager with a heartache. I have re-learned and appreciated the value of predictable schedules for young children and consistent limits for older ones. I have learned that discipline and anger do not have to go together and that forgiveness and giving in are not the same thing.

Yoga poses combine both abhyasa, disciplined action or strength, as well as
vairagyam, supreme detachment or going with the flow, and thus all poses
require finding balance. Parenting, too, is a balancing act. And it is a balancing act done in the midst of water balloon fights in the backyard, birthday parties at the pizza parlor, soccer matches won and lost. It is a balancing act with lots of "firsts": first words, first steps, first dates, and first nights spent in a dorm, thousand of miles from home.

To practice yoga is to "get on the mat" everyday and just do it, knowing that
the consistency of practicing everyday itself is the victory, not the accomplishment of any specific poses. It is the daily beginning once again to stretch and challenge the body which adds up to years and even decades of an educated and healthy body. To parent is to know that it is this same consistent sharing of love and the consistent holding to clear and fair limits which over the long haul will shape the character of my child. I do not need to do "perfect" yoga poses to reap great rewards from my practice. And I do not need to be a "perfect" parent, either, just a committed one who is willing to learn, laugh and "get back on the parenting mat" and try again.

Keys to a Rewarding Home Yoga Practice

Most people practicing yoga have experienced the enormous benefits the practice confers. However, maintaining a regular yoga practice can be an enormous challenge. How does it fit into our busy modern lives? How do we "make time" to practice yoga? What do we do when it feels like a struggle to get on our mat every day?

In this interview, author and yoga teacher Judith Hanson Lasater, Ph.D., P.T., offers some keys to a rewarding home practice, based on her experience as a longtime practitioner and teacher. She encourages us to look at why we don't practice.

Most importantly, Lasater emphasizes that we practice yoga to live a more fulfilled and enjoyable life. We don't live to practice. She says repeatedly that our practice should fit into our lives and respond to the changes happening within and around us.

A beloved and respected presence in the North American yoga community, Judith Hanson Lasater has taught yoga since 1971. She is also a physical therapist and holds a doctorate in East-West psychology. Lasater studies with B.K.S. Iyengar, and her teaching practice includes ongoing classes and teacher trainings in the San Francisco area. She teaches kinesiology, yoga therapeutics and yoga philosophy, and regularly gives workshops throughout the United States and the world.

Q: You've been an active yoga teacher yourself for more than four decades with a very active travel schedule. How do you find time for practice?

Judith Hanson Lasater: I try to remember that there's an important integrity that comes with teaching. It is a huge responsibility and a humbling privilege to teach people yoga, because we are reflecting back their inner goodness and inherent divinity.

So when I remember that, I can't teach my students if I don't practice. Practicing opens the door of connection between you and every person who's taught yoga.

Q: Why is it when we love yoga (as much as many of us do, at least) that it's still a struggle for many people to get to the mats?

Judith Hanson Lasater: I've heard this sentence, as you can imagine, many hundreds of times: "I don't have time for this." But I think that that's an excuse. I really don't think that's the issue. I think we're looking in the wrong places for why we don't practice. We need to look at our thoughts and our beliefs about ourselves.

It has to do with self-nurturing. It has to do with valuing yourself. I believe it's related to refusing on some level and used in the broadest sense of the word to see our own divinity.

One of the mantras that I like a lot is -- specially when things start getting busy or conflicted -- what is the most important thing right now? It's usually to remember myself and what I'm feeling. And that centers me.

Q: Do you have an idea of what your practice will look like on a day-to-day basis?

Judith Hanson Lasater: I don't have a rigid view of what my practice is going to be. My practice needs to listen to my life. We're trying to make our life listen to our practice. So let your practice conform to your life. Don't make it something outside the boundaries of where you are and what you're feeling and what you're needing.

Q: What are some practical ideas for people who are developing a home yoga practice?

Judith Hanson Lasater: Number one, get a yoga mat. If you have a yoga mat, you're more likely to use it. I know that sounds funny but you'd be surprised how many people don't have a yoga mat. Find a corner in your house and put your mat there, with your blocks, your bolster and whatever you use. Put it someplace where you can begin to develop it as a little retreat. We all need refuge every day. I think that refuge is more important in the world now than it's ever been.

Some people like to make a little altar and put flowers or a deity or a picture of someone who inspires them. But you don't need to do that. Just have a place where your mat lives, make that corner and that space your refuge.

Pick a regular time. That doesn't mean at exactly 7 a.m. every day, but it means before work or after work. Pick a time that works in your life. Don't try to make yourself do it in the morning if you're not a morning person.

Another idea is make a commitment to practicing every day. It creates a habit, and habits are extraordinarily powerful. But it's harder to say, "I'm going to practice three times a week." So if you say to yourself, "I want to practice every day." Once in a while you don't because you've got to get up early to get to the airplane or whatever, but it's not bad.

Q: I think your point about creating a habit is a really powerful one because it also becomes a physiological rhythm that your body gets used to. Then your body starts reminding you if you don't do your practice or you skimp on your practice. You can feel the difference.

Judith Hanson Lasater: Absolutely. So another point is to do one pose you love every day. During a difficult period personally for me, I would do at least one pose I loved and one I hated every day. And it just got to where I didn't really care anymore. It just was a pose, you know?

Another way to develop the daily habit of practice is to just set a timer for 20 minutes and get on your mat. I don't care what you do. Maybe you just lie there for 20 minutes. You're going to feel better. Lie there and breathe. People are going to like to be around you more. You'll be more mellow. Just get on the mat. And whatever you do for those 20 minutes, just do it.

Q: Do you have the same practice every day or do you vary up the emphasis?

Judith Hanson Lasater: I have done every different approach to practice. Like, I've done a pretty standard series. I've done, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I do this. On Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, I do that. I had a very sort of organized practice that way.

But your practice evolves so much with aging and life circumstance. Now I'm much more willing and unafraid to go to the mat with a question rather than an answer. I go to the mat and I kind of feel what I need. Oh, my lower back's bothering me. Let me try this. Or, I need courage. Let me do some backbends. After you've done handstands, elbow stands, and backbends, nothing is going to bother you the rest of the day. In other words, I let my life lead my practice in that way.

This interview from the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eva-norlyk-smith-phd/yoga-practice_b_4152071.html" target="_blank">Huffington Post</a> is an excerpt from a longer talk with Judith Hanson Lasater as part of Sadhana Sundays -- a free online series with leading yoga teachers, which explores the transformative aspects of yoga practice. To learn more and register go here: Judith Hanson Lasater -- Sadhana Sundays.

Interview with Judith Hanson Lasater on Yoga and Aging

Q: You've been practicing yoga since you were a young woman. As you went through peri-menopause and menopause, how did you change your personal practice to address your symptoms and adapt to your changing body?

Judith: When I began my yoga practice in 1970, I had the idea that I would pretty much be following the same practice routine forever that I had established from the beginning.

Nothing has been further from the truth. At the beginning I adapted my life to fit my practice. I started going to bed earlier so that I could awaken to practice in a quiet morning environment. I changed my diet, what I read, who I hung out with, and soon, my job, as I decided to begin teaching yoga.

But over the years, the opposite has happened. Gradually my practice has evolved to fit my life. There were adaptations with pregnancy, motherhood, and, of course, with peri-menopause and menopause.

Hopefully with aging one becomes more naturally introspective and less influenced by the external world. As I entered peri-menopause, I noticed a definite shift of my interest. It was as if a “natural” pratyahara was taking place.

I wanted to meditate longer, practice pranayama longer, and my asana practice changed as well. Soon fifty percent of my practice consisted of supported backbends and supported inversions, especially Viparita Karani (Legs Up the Wall pose), Supported Sarvangasana (Shoulderstand) on the chair and Supported Halasana (Plow pose) on the Halasana bench.

I found I needed this intense internal focus time in my life to integrate not only the physical changes that I was experiencing, but also the life changes of parenting teenagers and young adults. Additionally I was becoming the major emotional and familial support for an aging mother.

When I chatted with other women yoga teachers my age, we found we were all moving in the same direction with our practice. We began to eschew so much action in the practice and instead were increasingly nourished by cultivating the receptive consciousness of quiet poses for at least half of our practice of asana.

The most important thing I learned about this process is a lesson I still learn repeatedly. I would distill this lesson into a “mantra” of these three words: Trust yourself first. This will guide you well as you transition through life’s stages.

Originally published online here.